I stopped writing Wifey Wednesday posts because I felt like a fraud.
For more than a while, I’ve lived in the worst kind of marriage—one that is crumbling brick by brick, that has far more valleys than mountain tops and, sadly, more hate than love. A simple disagreement about an ink pen left on the comforter in the master bedroom could turn into war with calls for divorce and threats of replacement—if you don’t do it someone else will.
Yes, on the outside we look like the perfect, loving couple and are often approached by onlookers who praise us for being in love; for being together. I even receive messages from distant relatives, local moms and people around us who say I wish I could have a relationship with someone like him; one like yours.
Be careful what you ask for people.
On paper, everything looks good. In public, everything looks good. In private… well, if walls could talk the 7 homes we’ve lived in over the past twelve plus years would have some stories to tell. Sad, heart wrenching stories that would anger you and make you ask what the hell… For those of you who pray, you’d probably say what the hell and then pray. On your knees. In tongues. At a tarrying service. While fasting.
Why don’t walls talk? I surely need those prayers.
Walls don’t talk because people should. In addition to talking to trusted, unbiased counsel, we should pray. Unfortunately, we live in a day and time when women are embarrassed to say I love him in spite of ______ and when men are too embarrassed to say I love my wife and will be what she need me to be—faithful, trustworthy, etc.
It all boils down to pride.
Wives don’t want to appear weak for taking back and working with a cheating husband. But, side chicks are praised. Husbands don’t want to appear weak for saying I’m going home to my wife and children. Men who cheat on their wives and break up their families are praised. A husband is laid off due to no fault of his own after working said job for 15 years, the wife leaves. A wife gains 25 pounds over the course of a tumultuous ten year marriage, the husband demeans her and then finds someone else. And we wonder why our country and our world is in the state it is in.
Why I’m Writing Now—Even in the Storm
Because I want to live the life I write about. The reason the title of this blog is a wife in progress is because no matter what happens to my marriage, I am a wife. It sounds insane but it is biblical. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”
I was a wife before he ever proposed or married me. It didn’t take him proposing to me to make me a wife. I was a wife when he found me. He is the one I said yes to. So, no matter what happens with us it won’t change who I am, who I was before I became his wife. I will always be “a” wife.
“I can’t say one thing and then do another,
Be a saint by day and a devil under cover,
I got to live the life I sing about in my song…” – Mahalia Jackson
In other words, I can’t won’t allow my circumstance to change who I am. I believe in God. I believe in me.
I won’t stop praying.
I won’t stop loving.
I won’t stop learning.
I won’t stop living.
I won’t stop writing.
I won’t stop blogging.
I won’t stop being a good homemaker.
I won’t stop being a good mother.
I won’t stop being a good wife.
I won’t stop doing what is right.
I believe the words that I write on this blog. I believe what the Bible says about marriage. And, I believe what the Bible infers about free will. The both of us are free to do whatever we want.
I chose to be me. That me is the woman who joyfully wrote almost weekly Wifey Wednesday posts because she knew that God ordained marriage and that couples need support. Wives and husbands needed different perspectives on how to live successfully in their marriages with God’s help. I am the woman who tries to do what is right. All any person can do is their part to make their marriage healthy. If BOTH people do the work and don’t quit, they get the reward of a happy marriage.
As much as I want a happy marriage, I know that I have to be the person God called me to be. I want to be the person God called me to be.
If you do your part and it fails remember that “we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). I know that I am called according to His purpose. No matter what, I am good because the Bible says so.
I going to live the life I write about.