If You Don’t Do It

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…someone else will.

Have you ever heard that damning statement about the role of women in marriage? Doesn’t it make your skin crawl? It makes mine tingle with the voracity of the sickening feeling one gets upon daring to glance at a bucket of night crawlers or a nest of snakes. Disgusting, right?

If You Don't

Too often married, older Christian women give this advice to an eager bride-to-be or advice seeking wife in distress. And, this anti-biblical advice is freely spoken over pulpits, at marriage conference and in self help books by pastors and leaders.

As a Christian, I don’t understand why we, you know those of who claim Christianity as a religion, give and rely upon false information. It is like we don’t have bibles. If we do, instead of reading them we perpetuate the lies handed down to us by those who twist the Word to meet their own needs. In other words, much of the doctrine taught in the church was either perpetuated by men in leadership, looking for ways to keep others—especially women—under their thumbs or by people in general who didn’t do their research. If it sound right, it must be right. Wrong.

Before I got married, my mother admonished me to go into my marriage with the fortitude to do what is right biblically. She further instructed, “Don’t do right for the sake of being right. Do right because you want to please God.” Such a loaded statement. Being right for the sake of being right will make you relish in another person’s shortcomings and failures. It gives you a haughty I told you so attitude. However, a quest to please God places you in a position to treat others fairly without an ulterior motive towards them. Your motive in doing anything for your mate should not be rooted in ulterior motives.

Example.

Husband: We haven’t had sex in two weeks.

Wife: **I’m just getting over the flu and I’m still tired but if I don’t he might sleep with that almost pretty blond at work.** Be ready in a minute!

In this example the wife decides to have sex with her husband not because she wants to foster a healthy sexual relationship in their marriage. She has sex with him because she is afraid that he will get it somewhere else. That is NOT good. The same thing applies in reverse.

Example.

Wife: I really want a new ring.

Husband: I want you to have one too but we can’t afford it right now.

Wife: If I had married John, I wouldn’t be wearing this diamond dust you gave me. You know he still goes by my mom’s house to check on me.

Husband: **goes out to buy the ring, knowing it will put a financial strain on the household. This will cause even more problems.

No Christian marriage should be based on fear. It should be based on love—the kind of love that God would approve of. The biggest fallacy of telling women and men that they are replaceable is that it gives one person a superior, God-authority in relationships. The only place that I can think of in the Bible where anyone is replaceable is the human race when it comes to worshiping God (Luke 19:40).

So leaders and well-meaning counselors, stop teaching false information. Stop making men gods over their wives. Men are admonished to love their wives and for women to respect their husbands. Teach men how to love their wives and women how to respect their husbands. God has not given us a spirit of fear because there is no fear in love.

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” If you click on the link and purchase the item; I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally or believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Makasha Dorsey is an award-winning author, motivational speaker and public relations professional. Her personal essay Diary of an Aspie Mom is included in The Motherhood Diaries (Strebor Books/Simon & Schuster). She blogs about being a writer, mother, wife, woman and Christian over at a wife in progress and has written for Absolute Write, The Midwest Book Review, Snaps1000Words, The Daily Times Leader, and ModVive Magazine. You can purchase a copy of her book First Family Secrets on Amazon.com.

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