God is not going to bless me with some one else’s husband. I saw that posted by a friend, Makasha Dorsey, and it really struck a cord with me because I have met several married men who swear their marriage is in shambles, they aren’t happy, etc but the fact is – they go home to their wife every night. Why should I be someone’s side chick? Why should I want to settle? How could I believe God would bless that? If a guy really wants to be with you and he’s married, give him time to fix that situation and then get back with you. You don’t want a man to leave his wife for you because chances are, he will leave you for someone else. His integrity should cause him to want to do the right thing.
The Facebook post, which I cannot find for the life of me, was prompted by so many women bragging about married men hitting on them as well as the whole side chick is winning idea. Like many single women, LaKesha has been approached by married men who claim to be separated/getting a divorce from his wife. Often these men will go as far as saying I’m only with her because of the kids.
God Won’t Bless You with Her Husband
These are all lies to get you into bed, or at the very least, get you to meet an emotional or financial need he has decided that his wife is not meeting. The previous statement is a loaded one, I know. Everyone in a marriage is culpable for the problems inside the marriage. However, once other people who are not friends of the marriage are introduced into the relationship dynamic the focus is no longer about the union, it is focused on the singular needs of one individual. With the exception of God and good counsel, marriage is a covenant between two people. If you single woman who becomes wooed by a married man, you are a covenant breaker. Hence, the statement in so many marriage vows what God has put together let no man put asunder [Matthew 19:6].
Why Married Men Approach Single Women
Outside of plain old selfishness, there are reasons cheaters cheat. Well, there are excuses. Short and sweet. Since I’m not a cheating man, I won’t attempt to give the excuses because it would be presumptuous. So I’ll stick with selfishness.
How Married Men Approach Single Women
As a single woman in my 20s and as a married woman in my 30s, I have been approach by married men. I wasn’t impressed. To be honest, when it happened I wanted to know what I was projecting to make this unavailable man seek me out. The attention was not flattering at all. Then I realized there was nothing special about me in the initial contact—just a pretty face in a crowd that he wanted.
If a married man approaches a single woman who he perceives to have good morals and values he knows that he has to prey on said single woman’s feminine traits.
We say flattery will get you nowhere but in reality, new relationships start with complements. Just like a single man on a new conquest, a married man will affirm the single woman he’s after. He’ll tell her how beautiful, smart and accomplished she is. The cheating married man uses our vanity against us. Being an avid user of social media makes me realize this even more. Think about how often you read status updates from single women bragging about married, or otherwise attached, men hitting on them. Keep walking. He hit on Mary before you walked into the room (business meeting, grocery store, gate to the game) and will hit on Jane after you leave. He’s fishing. Don’t get hooked.
After a married man hooks a single woman with flattery, he plays on her need to nurture and her needs in general. Most women hat to see others suffer, especially an admirer. His wife is a fool for not tending to the needs of this attentive amazing man? He knows that if he showers you with compliments, gives you attention and minimally meet a financial or physical need of yours, you will take care of him—even if it is you just listening to him berate his wife. She won’t have sex with him. She doesn’t look good anymore. She only pays attention to the kids. Maybe his wife is overwhelmed because instead of being a partner in their relationship, he spends his time with women like you—a single women whose only responsibility is to herself. He wants someone who can cater to him and him alone. That is you. That is your role.
Before you fall prey to a cheating married man, know that you and the woman he’s cheating on is worth more than rubies. Would you like to be tossed out with the trash if you were in her position? If you’re not careful you’ll be in her position, heartbroken or both. In most cases, cheating men don’t leave their significant others, the wife ends the relationship. So if his wife decides to stay with him (he’s not leaving her) you’ll be alone, heartbroken and trying to figure out why he left you. He left you because God is not going to bless you with another woman’s husband. And, in the words of my crazy aunt: how you get your man can be the way you lose your man. If you end up with him, you’ll inherit every problem his last wife/girlfriend had. Could you really trust him to remain committed to you?