Do Black Churches Really Keep Black Women Single and Lonely?

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Cross by Glen's PicsAccording to Black America Web, Deborrah Cooper—dating expert and advice columnist—thinks just that. Cooper attacks black women’s faith in the church and in black men. Cooper says “black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women.” Why is it that black people, men and women, are encouraged to absolve their beliefs in religion and in their race in order to find the happiness that seems to skip over our community? How many young Jewish girls are told the same?

Our race seems to be the only race that collectively hates itself enough to openly deny or dislike the very elements that moved us forward as people: religion and each other.

It has long been argued that Christianity is a religion that was used to justify slavery. It was. But just because a group of people had evil motives to enslave a race it does not mean that God intended for anyone to be enslaved. Christian faith was the guiding factor behind the Civil Rights Movement—black men and women depended on God to protect them as they pursued the rights of the people.

Cooper’s statement “single women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed, and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them” is offensive and misguided. A blind faith in God does not reflect weakness. As a Christian, African American woman I am not brainwashed because I believe that God has a plan for my life nor was a taught to sit around and wait for what I want. Single women should use Ruth’s approach to marriage: she put herself in Boaz’s way.

Unfortunately, many of us have been bamboozled into believing that God’s way is not the best way because we do not always get what we want, when we want it.

Cooper took data from the results of a PEW study and decided that:

Following the tenets of organized religion is not going to get you anywhere because men are generally not religious.

Going to church is not getting you the husband you seek.

Going to church is not making you more attractive and interesting to men.

Going to church is not where you are going to find eligible bachelors to date.

Going to church is not going to teach you to be fiscally responsible, investment savvy, or empower you to achieve greatness as a woman.

Going to church is not going to broaden your horizons, make you more tolerant and accepting of all …

Going to church for single Black women is a waste of time.

Cooper makes a valid point that going to church is not getting you the husband you seek or find eligible bachelors to date. The problem is that you are seeking. “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22). In order to be found (a) you must already be a wife, you must be prepared and (b) you need to put yourself in the way of the kind of man you want. Also, dating is not really a biblical principle.

My husband, who I did not meet at church, told me one of the things that attracted him to me was my love for God. Yes, his initial attraction was to the girl he met at a fraternity party but beyond my looks he saw Jesus in me.

Simply going to church will not get you anything. That is why so many of us are confused and frustrated with God. He is after the condition of your heart; he wants a relationship with you. Reading the bible and applying God’s word to your life will get you more than a man; it will gift you the desires of your heart.

What do you think? Is going to church a waste of time?

Photo Credit: Glen’s Pics

Source: Black America Web

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” If you click on the link and purchase the item; I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally or believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Makasha Dorsey is an award-winning author, motivational speaker and public relations professional. Her personal essay Diary of an Aspie Mom is included in The Motherhood Diaries (Strebor Books/Simon & Schuster). She blogs about being a writer, mother, wife, woman and Christian over at a wife in progress and has written for Absolute Write, The Midwest Book Review, Snaps1000Words, The Daily Times Leader, and ModVive Magazine. You can purchase a copy of her book First Family Secrets on

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